Happiness is like a balloon. It is completely filled with our thoughts and feelings that make us happy, and just like the balloon we all have a source of happiness within us. However, there are numerous actions that we as individuals commit, such that it makes holes in the balloon, thereby reducing its size. Human beings often do things with the assumption that it would lead to happiness. These assumptions are commonly known as sins of happiness. I would like to mention the ‘7 deadly sins of happiness’.
The first sin is “devaluing happiness”. A majority of the people feel that in order to lead fulfilling and meaningful lives, we need to lose something, and that something could be as simple as our own happiness. This entails working long hours, being away from family or the most common, working at a job that offers a high package and not because we like it. It may be surprising to hear how often individuals sacrifice their happiness for other things, even though being happy is one of their priorities. Most of us sacrifice happiness not just once or twice, but multiple times a day, and then we wonder why we are unhappy. One of the causal factors could be that most of us fail to define happiness for ourselves.
The second sin is “chasing superiority”. Now, we could either blame this sin on the society or ourselves, however, it’s a common belief that in order to be happy, we need to feel and be superior to those around us. This stems from the ‘want’ of being the richest, strongest, fastest, most powerful, most attractive, most famous, etc. As it turns out, we just assume that the need for superiority is a very important determinant for being successful.
The third sin is “being needy, or its opposite, being avoidant”. As human beings we all possess the desire to belong, and to be in a healthy and nurturing relationship. This desire is communicated in different ways; ways that could be considered unhealthy, such as constantly wanting to make others’ happiness a priority or staying on the assumption that being asocial is an attractive quality. Being too needy or clingy, or its opposite, being avoidant, doesn’t make anyone happy.
The fourth sin is being “overly controlling”. We live in a day and age where we feel that the reason we're not happy is because a significant someone won't tell us how their day went or didn’t do things the way we wanted it to be or our best friend didn't send a message today, and so on. As a result, most of us end up trying significantly hard to control other people’s actions or trying to control the outcomes as we want. And this in turn, leads to a dip in our happiness levels.
The fifth and the sixth sins are “distrusting others and distrusting life”, respectively. Both the sins develop on the common theme of distrust. Distrusting others is about how we tend to distrust people, while the other, that is, distrusting life is about how we don’t believe or accept the outcomes and events that happen in life. It is all about looking at the glass, and assuming that it is more likely to be half empty rather than half full. It lies on the concept of focusing more on the negative things in life than on the positive things.
The seventh and the final sin is “ignoring the source within”, that is the inability of an individual to be unaware of themselves or their surroundings.
So, how can we overcome these sins of happiness? If happiness as such is important, then we need to make it a priority. This can be accomplished by:
- Maintaining a gratitude journal: Make a note of two or three good things that happened today. (For example, someone appreciated your clothes today, spent quality time with your family, etc). Expressing gratitude towards others reduces the desire to be superior and makes us less prone to social comparison.
- Practicing mindfulness: Observe yourself in the present moment, especially your feelings and thoughts when you are happy. List it down, define it and then incorporate happiness in your everyday life. Being mindful helps us in regulating our emotions and accepting the pleasures in life as they occur.
- Performing random acts of kindness: Being nice to others and not expecting anything in return has proven to be a powerful booster of happiness. (For example, sharing your food with someone, donating your clothes, helping someone cross the street, etc). Such acts help in developing stronger and more meaningful relationships with other people.
Yashwi Reddy
November 2022
